Advice, Advice, Advice

A few friends have recently shared their news of their pregnancies. I'm excited for them and their growing family's journey. 

And I want to offer each family this advice: Read as much as you can, ask every question you have, and think about what you've learned. And then, with the guidance of experts, make your own decisions. Don't ignore your gut, science or emotions, but try to weigh them appropriately. 

You will receive endless advice about everything, from what fabric swaddling blanket to use to ... well, everything. Choose what to focus on and try to tune the other things out. It is easy to get swept up into everything, but it can't all be important. 

I found pregnancy and early parenthood to be a whirling storm of advice, but it doesn't need to be. Forza, friends! And Auguri! 

Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss

I've been completely famished since I gave birth. I can't eat or drink enough no matter what I do. I'm trying to generally choose healthy foods, but I'm not dieting. Except for the addition of sushi, blue cheeses and cured meats, I'm eating the way I ate when I was pregnant. For almost nine months I tried to eat as healthy as possible while following the recommendations. (I didn't deny myself some treats now and again.)

Breastfeeding is said to help women to lose pregnancy weight. I gained about 25 pounds during the pregnancy and, according to our scale, I lost all of that weight in the first two weeks after labor. That was surprising to discover since my body didn't and doesn't look like it. My belly is still swollen (presumably from the c-section surgery) and I'm a slightly different shape all over. Even my feet are a little bigger. I know that I will need to work on strengthening my muscles once I feel up to it.

During pregnancy, my belly was particularly large. In fact, the doctor thought that I was measuring on the big side and was having a gigantic baby. I'm much shorter than my husband and she pointed at him saying, "you chose a very tall partner."

During our last sonogram, however, the doctor could better measure the baby and determined that the baby was progressing normally. Apparently I have a large uterus. (I have no idea what that means. It seemed to mean nothing, since everything went well.)

I've started to take some very slow walks with the bambino in the stroller. I look forward to the c-section pain being completely gone (it still comes and goes) and starting to take longer, more active walks. Maybe I'll return to doing yoga, too. I'd stopped with longer, regular walks and prenatal yoga at  about five and a half months because I was slightly dilated. The doctor put me on what she called "modified modified bed rest," which meant that I had to take it easy, but I didn't have to stay in bed or even at home.

For more on healthy weight loss after pregnancy, see the Mayo Clinic's page on the subject. 

Welcome Home!

We were happy to welcome our son over the Memorial Day weekend, three weeks before his due date. This peach-fuzzed nugget has stolen our hearts, sleepless nights and all. 

While we were mostly ready for his arrival, we've been busy with some final projects. We are particularly thankful to our parents for their help these past two weeks. Without them, well, I'm not sure how we would have been able to take care of our son, finish putting things together for him and still remained sane. 

Here is our bambino, a little over one week old, happily swaddled in a swaddle-shirt from friends. He's resting on a hand-sewn blanket by another friend and next to a furry gift from yet another friend. 

How lucky to be surrounded by love, near and far. 

Bilingual Baby Board Books

Reasonably priced bilingual English-Italian board books aren't terribly easy to find in the United States. I was happy to discover the English-Italian "My First Bilingual Book"series from Milet on Amazon. There are books for colors, opposites, animals, fruit, numbers and more. Check out some of my favorites (and help support this blog) in my Amazon store.

And a special thanks to our friends who purchased our son his first bilingual books!

For more on raising a bilingual child, you might be interested in reading about The Bilingual Edge and The Bilingual Family.

One Month from Today: "Are you ready?"

The baby's due date is one month from today.

One. Month. From. Today.

Folks keep stumping me with the question, "Are you ready?" Sure, we've read the books, built the crib, bought a stroller/car seat combo, taken related classes at the hospital, chosen a name (no, we're not telling), met with a pediatrician and knocked a number of other things off our to-do list.

But, can anyone ever be completely ready to welcome a new human into the world and her home? Parent friends have been telling me that we'll be ok as long as we have a place for the baby to sleep, some diapers and a car seat that we'll be ok. I guess that means we'll be ok.

At first, I was viewing the due date as a sort of deadline for everything, including gigantic projects. I thought I should finish writing and editing my next book and reading all of the books I've ever wanted to read. Of course, that's ridiculous. And the perfect way to bring on a panic attack.

While having a child will change our lives - and radically change our schedule, especially in the beginning - it is in fact a beginning, not the end. (And I try to remind myself of this fact when I get overwhelmed.)

There will always be lots of things that I still need and want to do. We'll do our best and work to slowly come up with some kind of schedule that allows us to integrate our old and new lives. With changes, of course.

This is where my Dad's "Dad-isms" come in handy:

Be prepared for the unexpected. 

Know what you don't know. 

With those in mind, we can only do our best. Here's to a new adventure... that might start any day now.

ZZZZ.... Sleepy

This pregnancy is exhausting. Maybe they all are. Besides starting with a general-exhaustion baseline, I haven't had a good night's sleep in some time. As my doctor once said sweetly, "Pregnancy sucks sometimes." There are, however, some remedies for my sleepless complaints:

I wake up 3 - 5 times a night to go to the bathroom (a common pregnancy complaint). Sometimes I'm also thirsty or hungry. I can usually fall back asleep, but not always. I try not to eat or drink too much before going to sleep, but of course drink lots of water throughout the day. People keep saying that this schedule will prepare me for motherhood, but I think starting motherhood well-rested would be preferable. Keeping the lights dim when I get up (and avoiding checking my iPhone) helps me to go back to sleep. When I can't sleep, I give in and wake up. I do a few things or read for a while and then go back to sleep later. That's not ideal, but I'm trying to make the best of it. (I am finally catching up on my New Yorker magazines.)

I have crazy, hormone-fueled dreams that seem to integrate everyone I've ever met, every scary movie I've ever seen and every worry I've ever had. I try to see them as fodder for future (odd) poems and think about something else. The other night I cleared a ballroom after standing on a table and announcing that the host tried to kill my husband. I was waving a spear and took out the host's guards. (Too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer before bed.)

My back and hips gave me some trouble before pregnancy and they continue to ache during pregnancy. I've found some relief with a foam top on the mattress and sleeping with a body pillow and other pillows around me. Pregnant women should sleep on their side and these pillows help to keep me propped up. My doctor also recommended prenatal massage and Icy Hot Naturals (of course, check with your doctor before using any prescription or over the counter medication.)

I've read that babies can't regulate their temperature well, but sometimes pregnant women can't, either. I'm pretty sure that my non-breathable-pillow-cage contributes to the heat. We keep the temperature fairly cool at home to help. (The other night my husband noticed that my glasses were fogged because I was generating so much heat.)

Of course I look forward to meeting the baby and falling in love. I also look forward to sleeping on my back or stomach, even for the short periods in which s/he is sleeping, too. I'm sure my husband is looking forward to a more regular temperature in the house and less pillows. (In fact, before I realized that the temperature was a pregnancy issue, I kept moving the thermostat dial up and down. He thought that perhaps the heat was broken since the temperature was always changing. That's when I realized it was me.)

How have / did you make yourself more comfortable when you were pregnant?

Things I Used to Do With My Belly

Ok, that's a weird title. But I'm realizing how many things I've used my belly for in the past, now that I can't. Here are a few:

Sleep on

Rely on core muscles to get up or sit down

Balance heavy things against to carry something

Lean against something to make it easier to open or close like a jar or box

Close the drawers under the counter in the kitchen

Not get in the way when opening the refrigerator door

Anniversaries on April 1st

Today, April 1st, is an emotional day for me; being pregnant doesn't help to moderate my emotions when I think about my great Aunt Dora passing in 2011. Perhaps strangely, today is also the anniversary of the first time my husband and I met in 2006. (And yes, it is also April Fool's day. The joke wasn't lost on us on our first date.)

At Storm King Mountain, June 2007 

There are studies that point to the fact that the pregnant mother shares her (hormonally-charged) emotions with her baby. When there are significant happenings - good and bad - I think about how I'm transferring my emotions to the baby. Of course, this transference will continue after pregnancy, once the baby can witness my husband and I facing various challenges and joys. 

I've been missing my great Aunt Dora while simultaneously feeling thrilled that my husband and I are expecting a baby this June, the same month she and I celebrate(d) birthdays. I wish she could be here to welcome the new arrival. My goal today is to allow myself to feel these emotions, not become overwhelmed, and to ultimately learn from them all. 

Sure, like most things, that's easier said than done. Luckily it is National Poetry Month and I'm reminded to turn towards poetry to help untangle our world. 

Aunt Dora and I (March 2008)

Helping a Choking Pregnant Woman

Do you know how to help a choking pregnant woman? My husband and I recently took a momease infant and CPR class at GW hospital and this question came up. The room went silent.

We learned that a pregnant woman cannot perform abdominal thrusts on herself nor can someone else perform it on her. Instead, someone else should perform contractions on her chest (as if she weren't breathing.)

Here's how the Mayo Clinic describes the procedure:


Clearing the airway of a pregnant woman or obese person:

Position your hands a little bit higher than with a normal Heimlich maneuver, at the base of the breastbone, just above the joining of the lowest ribs.
Proceed as with the Heimlich maneuver, pressing hard into the chest, with a quick thrust.
Repeat until the food or other blockage is dislodged or the person becomes unconscious.



Here's a video showing you what to do.

In our class, the instructor suggested having the pregnant woman's back against the wall, to keep her steady, with her fact turned away from you.

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

 

It was a lot of fun to join the first evening of Be Your Body: Dance Like Nobody’s Watching at American University. It was the first of three events co-sponsored by the Spa Room and American University's Women & Politics Institute. Scroll down for more details and to purchase your tickets.

While I've been taking walks and following some pre-natal yoga DVDs, I haven't been dancing during the pregnancy. It was great fun to listen to the loud, fast world music and dance. Sure, I stood in the back and mostly only moved my arms since the doctor had told me to take it easy. But I still had a smile on my face and enjoyed the music and energy in the room. I counted at least three other pregnant women who were doing an amazing job with substantially more energy and umph than I showed. It was inspiring and a good reminder to have fun and keep moving (as much as the doctor allows.)

There was a great goodie bag with some coupons and samples (including Weleda creams) and some raffled items.

I think you'll enjoy the next two dance parties!

Be Your Body: Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

The Spa Room is excited to be partnering with the Women & Politics Institute and local dance and movement instructors for a series of high-energy dance parties!  Come in workout clothes and be prepared to sweat!  In addition to dancing, each attendee will receive a swag bag and we’ll be raffling off 3 prizes each night, donated by some of our favorite local businesses!

Where:
The Studio Theater at American University’s Katzen Arts Center
4400 Massachusetts Ave, Washington, DC, 20016

When:
March 7 & 14
6:30 pm-8pm
AND
March 21
7:00-8:30pm

Cost:$15 single class
$12.00 per class if registering for all three.

Click here to register for the series of 3 classes.

Click here to register for a single class.

A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Women & Politics Institute at American University.

D.C. area friends: Do you like to dance? My favorite place for prenatal massages, Spa Room, is partnering with American University's Women & Politics Institute to offer three nights of dancing. The Zumba classes are safe for pregnant women (although the Gyrokinesis are to be avoided.)

See you there?

Be Your Body: Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

The Spa Room is excited to be partnering with the Women & Politics Institute and local dance and movement instructors for a series of high-energy dance parties!  Come in workout clothes and be prepared to sweat!  In addition to dancing, each attendee will receive a swag bag and we’ll be raffling off 3 prizes each night, donated by some of our favorite local businesses!

Where:
The Studio Theater at American University’s Katzen Arts Center
4400 Massachusetts Ave, Washington, DC, 20016

When:
March 7 & 14
6:30 pm-8pm
AND
March 21
7:00-8:30pm

Cost:$15 single class
$12.00 per class if registering for all three.

Click here to register for the series of 3 classes.

Click here to register for a single class.

A portion of the proceeds will benefit the Women & Politics Institute at American University.

Writing & Pregnancy

I have written about things that happened, or imaginary worlds, since my parents first bought me cloth covered journals every summer when I was a middle-schooler.

But I can't seem to write about this pregnancy. I'm exhausted and brimming with cliches. It isn't because of the old saying that it is hard to write about happy things. I'm just tired. My husband kindly says that I'm "creating" something/someone else, so there's nothing to worry about. Between working and preparing for the baby, there just isn't much energy left to write. I can think of terrible lines like, "I'm pregnant! Yay!' or "Morning sickness sucks!", but I have no lines, or even punctuation, that belong in a poem.

The good news is that I have been feeling more efficient, perhaps because of the limited time, and have been editing and submitting work with less angst.

I have to trust in the energy I have now and go with it. 

Quickening: Baby's Movements

The American Pregnancy Association says that some moms can feel their babies move as early as 13 or 16 weeks. I felt some vague fluttering, perhaps, early in the pregnancy, but I started to feel definitive movement around 22 weeks. Feeling the baby move has made the pregnancy more about the baby and less about me.

The morning sickness took over the first trimester and the beginning of the second. Once I started to feel the baby move, I felt as though we were connecting and starting a relationship. The movement, beautifully called quickening, is both reassuring and exciting.

When I eat or drink something very cold (like ice cream) or hot (like tea), I feel movements. I’ve heard mothers say things like, “Oh! I felt a movement so the baby must like (whatever she just ate.)” I’m not sure that the baby can immediately taste the ice cream or tea, but I’m sure s/he is reacting to the sudden change in temperature. I can only hope that it is a nice feeling instead of a startling one. 

Pregnancy Diet Resources

I knew I shouldn't drink alcohol while pregnant, but I was surprised to discover there were fish to avoid (too much mercury), soft cheeses and cured meats (which could carry listeria) and other issues to keep in mind. These three sources made it easier to understand and plan meals:


Pregnancy Nutrition: Foods to Avoid During Pregnancy from the Mayo Clinic

Eating for Pregnancy: informational book and cookbook (recommended by the Mayo Clinic)

George Washington University's midwifery services' Nutritional Guidelines


Pregnant, you'll probably have to make some adjustments based on your usual diet. My doctor clarified the "soft cheese" rule: pasteurized cheeses are ok. I was happy to find that I could still eat my beloved mozzarella (not the handmade mozzarella from Italian delis, but at least the soft, packaged kind in the supermarket.) Since cured meats heated to a certain temperature are ok, I've added some salami to homemade pizza.

The cookbook, Eating for Pregnancy, explains what foods offer mamma and baby, as well as offering some recipes to make meal planning easier. The recipes are from a variety of cultures, or at times are divorced from a particular culinary tradition, but once I better understood what I should or shouldn't eat, it became easier to tweak them to our preferences.

I've been trying to eat as much healthy food as possible - whole wheat breads, berries, kale, flaxmeal - but I try to accept cravings and be reasonable about it. Hell, sometimes this pregnant mamma just wants some fried chicken! Happiness and eliminating stress are important parts of a healthy pregnancy, too.

What are your favorite resources for a healthy pregnancy diet?

Crossover Post: Elaine Petrowski on Meals for Mama

Thanks to Elaine Petrowski for her post on my Italian language, culture and cuisine blog, Fare La Scarpetta, about nutrition for new mothers.

Check out her website Tender Times Doula: Providing in-home help to new parents in the Northern New Jersey area.

Morning Sickness Foods

I tried to choose healthy snacks during the worst of the morning sickness

My morning sickness, which lasted beyond the morning, was pretty difficult throughout the first trimester and the beginning of the second. I was always nauseous: in the middle of the night, the morning and throughout the day. (And yes, I did vomit pretty regularly, too.) None of it was conducive to working, being social or feeling comfortable.

The doctor and various pregnancy books recommend eating regularly in order to help fill up the belly and stave off the nausea. At first that seemed really counter-intuitive. The last thing I wanted to do was eat.

Crackers and dry, plain foods were the best choices. I tried to choose high fiber, whole grain snacks. Every day (and middle of the night), I'd snack on fortified cereal with whole grains. The healthiest cereals were those with flax, quinoa and other nutrient rich grains and seeds. Later on, I was able to add milk, or yogurt, and some berries and wheat germ into the snacks.

Yes, sometimes I snacked on Fritos and other tasty, but nutrient shallow foods. I tried my best to wait until after I ate something healthy first.

I always keep some nuts, (mixed nuts with almonds and dried fruits) in my purse if I went out. I still keep some in the car, since the motion can bring those old feelings back.

Click here to read about nausea stopping Sea Bands, which also helped.

Pregnancy: Leg Cramps

The other morning I woke up screaming from a leg cramp. My night leg cramps are shocking and painful, but luckily they pass quickly.

The Mayo Clinic website recommends stretching the calf muscles, staying active, taking magnesium (check with your doctor first) or eating magnesium-rich foods, staying hydrated and choosing proper footwear. After the cramp, they recommend walking around, elevating the leg and/or taking a warm shower or massaging the muscles with ice.

I've been doing most of those things, but I suppose I can try to do more of them.

Did you have leg cramps during your pregnancy? What cures did you find worked?

Pregnancy Photos

barefoot and pregnant

family of three self-portrait

There are some great photographs and videos from photographs of mothers' growing bellies (see some cool examples here.) We're hoping we might be able to do something similar.

We've been taking weekly pictures of my growing belly. (Ok, some weeks haven't worked out, but we've been pretty good about it.) It has been amazing to feel - and see - the changes in my body. I've been standing on pieces of tape so that there will be some uniformity to the images for a project later.

Did you take pregnancy photographs? 

Superstitions and Pregnancy

This short story begins with a large bird (maybe a hawk?) that periodically visits our backyard. I see him some  early mornings and I'm pretty convinced that we make eye contact. There's some kind of communication happening there. Hawks have good vision, right? So he might be able to see me up a flight of stairs and through a window.

When I lift my cell phone to take a picture, he usually flies away. I decided that being able to take this picture a few weeks ago was good luck.

I'm not a usually superstitious person, but being pregnant has made me just a bit so. Since I can't yet feel the baby move, I keep searching for external signs that everything is going well.

Perhaps a visit from our local rodent-hunter was good luck and means that everything is fine? Or maybe it means that something has gone wrong. Or, maybe it is the opposite: Since I haven't seen him in a while, then everything must be fine.

What I need to do is return to normal. Normal being a place where a random bird sighting only means that there's a bird (or mice) nearby. These hormonal changes are mixing me up.

The real signs are those measurements that the doctor takes before she says that everything is going well. I need to remember that. Meanwhile, every morning I might just peek out the back window to see if anyone is visiting us today. 

Morning Sickness & Sea-Bands

I wore fabric bracelet Sea-Bands throughout most of my first trimester to fight morning sickness. They work by applying pressure (as acupressure does) to a point on each wrist. They are soft and easy to wear all day and all night.

Can you tell I'm a big fan?

I wore them while I was working at my desk, siting on the couch, riding a bus or driving, and really, anywhere I went or sat still. I felt like I looked a little like an athlete wearing a wristband, which was ironic. Still, under a long-sleeved shirt, folks can't tell that you are wearing them (or if they sneak a peak, they might think you simply have another layer on.)

Yes, morning sickness is the pits. There's nothing "morning" about it and it continues to strike me in my second trimester. I'll save you the gory details and recommend the American Pregnancy's Association's guide to surviving morning sickness for more tips.