Off to Fitchburg State University! Or: "Networking" also means "Friendship"

I'm very excited to be headed to Fitchburg State University in Massachusetts later this week to give a poetry reading and food writing talk. It has been intellectually and creatively invigorating to plan the talk and choose poems to read. Since my talks are supported by the Amelia V. Gallucci-Cirio Endowment, which focuses on Italian and Italian American culture, I'll be focusing the influence of Italian food and language on food writing and my own poetry. (Yes, I snacked too much during the prep work.)

I'm sad to leave the bambino again (and so soon.) But both he and my husband did great while I was away at the AWP conference. I know they'll be ok again, just as we were ok the following week when he traveled for a conference.

The trip to Fitchburg State was facilitated by another Woman Mother Writer, DeMisty Bellinger-Delfeld. You might remember her from a post here about writing resources for parents. We met at a Bread Loaf Writers' Conference a few years ago and have kept in touch as friends and colleagues. While the term "networking" can sound cold, the act of getting to know someone can turn into a friendship that includes collegial connections.

DC Freelance Writer Jessica Sillers writes about networking in her recent post-AWP piece, "4 Ways to Keep Up Your Conference High" (with a kind shout-out, too.) I encourage all writers, and especially women, to get to know each other and learn about each other's strengths. Support each other as friends and writers. Be generous and share what you know while listening to what that other person knows.

It can make a difference to everyone. After all, we're all in this together. 

Post-AWP

Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis

After being away for four nights, I returned to... normal. What a relief.

The taxi from the airport dropped me off at home just as our bambino was waking up from his afternoon nap. I snuck in and watched him as he sat up in his crib and rubbed his eyes. When he saw me, he put his arms up, as if I'd never left. I picked him up and held him for a few moments as he adjusted to being awake. Then he focused on my face, dived in for a tight hug and yelled, "mine!"

While the toddler "mine" phase is generally less pleasant, this particular "mine" melted my heart.

I was relieved that flying to Minneapolis to participate in the AWP Writer's Conference was successful all around. I caught up with writer friends I both adore and admire, attended fascinating panels and readings, rested a bit, saw some of the city and returned home, all while my husband and son continued to work, go to daycare and play together.

Yes, I missed them both, mostly the littlest one who can't email or text message, with my full body. I also had the chance to be re-immersed in the world where I belong and I'm not known simply as, "O's mother." I was a writer, as I have been professionally for years.

And that all feels good. Now its time to read, write, edit, submit and otherwise get back to being a woman mother writer.

AWP: Conference & Quiet Hotel Room

I'm excited to travel to Minneapolis later this week to present and read at the annual AWP (Association of Writers and Writing Programs) conference.

That is to say, I'm excited to wear one hat (the writer hat), for a few days and leave my mamma hat at home. Sure, I'm always a mamma and I'll miss my bambino, but I'm also a writer (with a hat?)

I'm also excited to sleep in a hotel room without one ear alert listening for cries. There have been so many long nights... wait, I don't have you tell you any of that. You know.

This is all to say that there are a lot of contradicting emotions.

I have my business cards and presentation notes packed. I also have old copies of the New Yorker that I hope to catch up with on the plane when I travel alone. Alone at a conference with more than 12,000 attendees that includes over 2,000 presenters and 550 readings. It shouldn't take long to peruse the 700 presses, journals and literary organizations at the book fair. Sure, this should be relaxing and rejuvenating.

In all seriousness, it will be rejuvenating (maybe not relaxing). It is important to be the writer I was and am and stay immersed in the community. And it is good for our son to know that I do these things, too.

Sure, I'm fairly OCD and want to plan everything for them to eat and do while I'm gone, but really, why should their special time be spent trying to mimic what Mamma does? I am nervous about the things that my son relies on me to do and my husband balancing a two-person routine as one, even though I know he can do it. And I'm nervous about keeping up with my classes and taking as much advantage of this opportunity as possible. Luckily, I'll have a few full nights of sleep to sort it out.

In the mornings when my husband is going to be traveling or working late, I tell my son, "tonight we're having a special night together!" This week's mantra is, "You'll get to have some special time with Daddy for a few nights!' And I know they'll look forward to it, too. We should all miss each other sometimes, as well as have special one-on-one time together.

See you on the other, bambino-missing side. I am already excited about the reunion on Sunday. And during the trip, I'll have my phone and laptop with hundreds of pictures and videos to watch when I start to miss him, which means right now, while he's at daycare and I should be working.

AWPing: Tabling & Paneling & Listening & Napping

When my flight was delayed, 

I was able to sneak in a visit to the Seattle Art Museum

Did I “do” the AWP conference right this year? Probably not.

I did present on a panel about teaching, sign copies of Unrest at Finishing Line Press' table, “tabled” for toadlily press and attended a few readings and panels. Most importantly, perhaps, I caught up with writer friends, slept deeply (and for 8 continuous hours) and remembered Kurt Brown.

As a mamma of 9 month old (who turned nine months when I was in Seattle, away from him for the first time), I’m still pretty exhausted from pregnancy, giving birth and mothering our sweet son. Passing some quiet and thoughtful time alone was, frankly, invigorating. I had some beautifully quiet and delicious breakfasts (at Bacco and Athenian) and watched the sky shift as the sun rose every morning. I wandered through the market, tasting chocolates and drinking too much coffee.

In the past, I’ve attended many more panels, readings, off-site events and stayed up late chatting with writers. I’d go home exhausted and ready to catch up on sleep. This trip seemed very much like the opposite.

Was it worth the time, money and effort to fly across the nation? Being able to hug Laure-Anne Bosselaar and attend the panel dedicated to her late husband, Kurt Brown, made it clear that it was. Kurt Brown was my poetry thesis advisor at Sarah Lawrence College. He patiently read through my poems, prepared notes and talked with me about them. I learned so much from him and felt happily challenged and motivated after every meeting. I had Laure-Anne as a professor and they both always made me, and everyone else as I understand it, comfortable in their presence. Through the years since I graduated in 2005, Kurt was always responsive and encouraging.

I was terribly sorry to hear of his passing. Tiger Bark Press, with Laure-Anne, published a collection of selected and new poems by Kurt Brown. Along with the preface, it is a beautiful book dedicated to a kind and wonderful poet. Laure-Anne read the poem Kiss, a testimony to their deep love.

My flight home was delayed by a day due to storms in the northeast. I am writing this on the plane literally aching to hold my baby boy. Soon. And I will read Kurt Brown’s poems to him.

Available from Tiger Bark Press

Planning To Travel Sans Bambino

I'm very excited to be traveling to Seattle the end of this month to present at the annual AWP conference. I'll be going all alone (i.e. sans family) and, presumably, sleeping well. I'll be a writer immersed in writerly discussions, readings and more.

I'm also terrified. This will be the first time I'm away from our bambino for more than a few hours. The first time leaving the state without him and the first time sleeping somewhere he isn't. We can Facetime and I can keep up with his activities through his Dad (and the phone app), but that's not the same.

I named this blog after the "intersecting" roles. I write about being a mother, so the roles naturally intersect. Sometimes, though, the roles conflict with each other, as my desires do. I want to sleep alone in a hotel room without being "on" listening to a monitor playing my son's nighttime noises. I also want to sleep on the floor in his room to listen to every sound he makes.

As a friend said to me, "Sounds like you're a mother."