It isn't easy to make friends as an adult. We're busy with careers and families; we aren't in class or clubs together with self-selected folks with similar interests. Attending events with our son, the new common denominator is being a parent, but caring for a baby necessarily mean that we have too much in common.
I find myself talking to a lot of new people at events for the bambino, like library programs. The first question is always, "Do you work or are you home with your baby?" I'm somewhere in between: I work, teaching online and privately, but I'm also primarily home. And I'm a poet, which is harder for some people to understand. One mother recently said snarkily to me, "Oh, a poet? Must be nice to have time to just do whatever you want."
In fact it is nice to pursue my art and career, when there's time. And it isn't a hobby. It is part of who I am and what I do. Everything could be a hobby, I suppose, but if someone says she's a poet, then that's what she is. It isn't code for unemployed, although we don't necessarily make money from poetry. (Yes, I'm sometimes a bit defensive about this since I often need to, well, defend myself.)
I teach writing because it is something I love, I'm good at and yes, because it is a job that pays the bills. I write because I am a writer. And I encourage everyone who writes to own that definition for herself.
Being a Woman Mother Writer isn't the same as being a woman, mother or writer. At least while my son is small, my lifestyle is radically different from other writers without a baby. And my lifestyle as a writing mom isn't the same as mothers who don't write or immerse themselves in an art.
Woman Mother Writers: Let's connect here and undo some of that loneliness and misunderstanding. Email me if you'd like to share your thoughts on the subject (ChloeMiller(at)gmail(dot)com) and perhaps guest blog, too.
I find myself talking to a lot of new people at events for the bambino, like library programs. The first question is always, "Do you work or are you home with your baby?" I'm somewhere in between: I work, teaching online and privately, but I'm also primarily home. And I'm a poet, which is harder for some people to understand. One mother recently said snarkily to me, "Oh, a poet? Must be nice to have time to just do whatever you want."
In fact it is nice to pursue my art and career, when there's time. And it isn't a hobby. It is part of who I am and what I do. Everything could be a hobby, I suppose, but if someone says she's a poet, then that's what she is. It isn't code for unemployed, although we don't necessarily make money from poetry. (Yes, I'm sometimes a bit defensive about this since I often need to, well, defend myself.)
I teach writing because it is something I love, I'm good at and yes, because it is a job that pays the bills. I write because I am a writer. And I encourage everyone who writes to own that definition for herself.
Being a Woman Mother Writer isn't the same as being a woman, mother or writer. At least while my son is small, my lifestyle is radically different from other writers without a baby. And my lifestyle as a writing mom isn't the same as mothers who don't write or immerse themselves in an art.
Woman Mother Writers: Let's connect here and undo some of that loneliness and misunderstanding. Email me if you'd like to share your thoughts on the subject (ChloeMiller(at)gmail(dot)com) and perhaps guest blog, too.
I love this, Chloe! It resonates deeply with me. Thank you for posting it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words, Emily.
ReplyDelete