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A New Decade

Today is the beginning of my fortieth year. I'm starting a new decade and it was ushered in with a surprise party this weekend that my husband organized. I told my friends that the joyful gathering and messages from far and wide will bolster me through this new decade. That's a big (possibly cliched) statement, but I think - hope! - it is true.

Writing, teaching online, parenting, and otherwise living in this technologically-heavy world often leaves me lonely and feeling as blue as my screens' light. On this blog, I write about the juggling act we do parent writers do because it isn't anything that can be ignored or forgotten. Working full-time is a big job, parenting is a big job and writing creatively - essentially another full-time, unpaid job - is a big job. Three big jobs, in addition to other relationships and responsibilities, is no small juggling act.

Leading up to this birthday, I had been feeling panic about all I want to do and all that I haven't yet done. I even received a birthday message from someone today that said, "Happy birthday! Hey, forty isn't so bad. You'll get through it."

An old friend posted on Facebook recently about her feeling of success for making it to forty. I need to turn the impending doom of the "zero" birthday around and enjoy this time. After all, it really is a success if we are still all here together.

With that in mind, I wish us all happiness, a happy birthday if you share the day, and a hearty congratulations for making it this far. Here's to a full next decade of being surrounded by love, writing and reading.

I also leave you with this kind-hearted (for parents and former-children alike) New York Times article, "What American Parents Can learn from Chinese Philosophy." The piece ends with, "Caring for one another is hard work. It requires endless awareness, adaptation and responsiveness. But it is one of the most important and rewarding things we do. This is not just how our children will become better people and live better lives. It is how they can create a better world." I would add that it makes our writing truer and more important, too.

Chunking!

Wendy Wisner's newest piece for Scary Mommy introduced me to the word chunking:

"The latest theories on time management advise strongly against multitasking—good news for me. The new catchphrase is “chunking,” and it basically means that rather than trying to get everything done at once, you set aside specific chunks of time, and then just work. Do nothing else."

I love this word that describes my approach to accomplishing anything since adding motherhood to the juggling act of cobbling together a full-time job from part-time ones: poet, adjunct, writing teacher and private writing coach. (How's that last sentence for mixed metaphors? That is pretty much what it feels like. Varied, fun and sometimes confusing.)

I live by my calendar program. I input everything, from taking a walk to doing laundry to grading exams to submitting poems to hustling for teaching assignments the following semester. Everything is color coded and in-person appointments are in separate "calendars" shared with my husband, so that we can better coordinate who is picking up our son from daycare and when we might be free for, imagine that!, a date night.

My main time management tip is to literally schedule your writing time and other projects that easily get pushed to the side since the creative projects are (usually) less time sensitive. If you schedule the time to write and accomplish a task, one that you want to do or would rather procrastinate, you will actually show up to do it.

It is like setting a timer: You can focus on anything for a short period of time and then give yourself a break. But first, you have to show up and do the work. And then it will perhaps be done, but at least be started.

What is your best approach to making sure that the balls you are juggling don't hit you in the head on their way down?

"Getting To Do It"

I often introduce myself as a "poet who teaches creative non-fiction," referring to the undergraduate essay writing courses and memoir writing workshops I teach. When questioned about why I don't teach poetry instead of prose, I joke, "Yeah, I don't get to teach poetry." As if someone were holding me back. 

Someone was holding me back. Me. 

As my fortieth birthday looms closer and closer, I've been trying to nudge my professional life towards poetry. 

Collaborating with the generous owner of The Spa Room, Mary Szegda, I've started to offer monthly generative poetry writing workshops. We had our first class Tuesday evening and it was lovely. We sat in a circle, surrounded by the earthy perfume of healing products, and wrote in response to prompts, poems and sensory objects (chocolate and stones.) Each participant wrote radically different pieces, encouraging us to take more chances in our writing with subsequent prompts. 

DMV area folks: Interested in joining our next generative poetry writing workshop? Register here through The Spa Room (click on June and Special Events to find the listing). 

Here is the full description: 

Writing the Body: Poetry Writing Prompt Workshop 

Tuesday, June 21; 7:30 - 9:00 pm

90.00 minutes

$30.00 each individual session (a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the DC Rape Crisis Center after costs are covered.) 

In this monthly workshop, we will write in response to prompts. The prompts will begin with our bodies (muscles, five senses, physical memories) and may bring us anywhere. As we can slowly stretch our body to allow an opening, we will focus on our physical experiences and related memories in order to understand them better. Writing, which includes naming our experiences, is part of how we understand and navigate our world. Our time together will be spent generating writing in response to prompts. Writers will be invited to read their in-class writing, if they choose to. The focus will be on the creative process (rather than editing and revising the work.) Writers of all levels welcome. Please come with a writing surface (clipboard or book) and paper or charged laptop. You are welcome to register for one or more classes. Each one will be unique and stand on its own. 

Chloe Yelena Miller, author of the chapbook Unrest (Finishing Line Press), teaches writing workshops at Politics and Prose Bookstore and privately. She also teaches college-level classes online at the University of Maryland and Fairleigh Dickinson University. She received her BA in Italian language and literature from Smith College and an MFA in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College. You can read more about her here: http://chloeyelenamiller.blogspot.com 

Class limited to 8 students 

The Spa Room 

4115 Wisconsin Avenue, Suite 102, Washington DC, 20016 

Future class dates: 

Tuesday, July 5; 7:30 - 9:00 pm

Tuesday, August 16; 7:30 - 9:00 pm

Parenting & Writing Better By Leaving (for the weekend)

Two dear college friends and I have arranged annual reunions the last two years. I hope that this stays a habit.

Taking a periodic break makes me a better parent, partner, writer and teacher. It had been an entire year since I had spent a night away from my son. 

Let me repeat that: It had been an entire year since I had spent a night away from my son. Yes, I missed him terribly - it was a physical ache, especially in the mornings - but it is necessary to give ourselves breaks. 

The break from our regularly scheduled lives is a chance to both be together and be separate from everything else. We don't live close enough to stop by for a cup of coffee and this long weekend together is our chance to be together, side by side, and share a bottle (or two) of wine. It is rejuvenating. 

This break wasn't about time away to write or read or accomplish anything other than seeing friends. It was about time away to just be ourselves and reconnect. 

Give yourself a break when you can, be it for an afternoon walk or a weekend away with friends. Honor all parts of yourself. If you don't, how can you focus to write? 

How to Communicate Like a Buddhist by Cynthia Kane

It is always encouraging when friends publish books (real people can do it!) and even better when the book is a good one. Congratulations to my friend, co-teacher, agent and former classmate Cynthia Kane on her publication of How to Communicate Like a Buddhist. The book is officially available today!

This lovely book is clearly written and organized, as well as inspiring. As a memoir writing instructor, I particularly like how she integrated aspects of her life story into this book (see, writers? It can be done seamlessly.)

Cynthia focuses on a five-step practice that you can use for yourself:
1. Listen to yourself (your internal and external words)
2. Listen to others
3. Speak consciously, concisely, and clearly
4. Regard silence as a part of speech
5. Meditate to enhance your communication skills

I'm ready to improve, hone in on and remember to use these skills that sometimes get lost on the busiest, most stressful days. After all, add "parenthood" to "full time career of part-time gigs" and the regular daily things a human must do, and that human starts to feel a literal pain in the neck. We could all use some tools to help us to better focus, listen and communicate with others.

To learn more, visit Cynthia's website, How to Communicate Like a Buddhist's website or Facebook page and read this recent interview with her. Don't miss her upcoming events in Washington, D.C., and Ohio. 

No regrets. Hopefully.

My son and I in blue in Ann Arbor

(not purposely UMich blue, but sometimes these things happen)

I went to the Aveda School in Washington, D.C., last month and five hours later (!!), I had blue highlights. I'd never colored my hair and I'm thrilled with the new color.

I've always been too cautious in my life. I avoided dying my hair in case I didn't like it. And I missed out. I only bought clothes I thought would fit and look "classic" for years and years regardless of the current style.

And then after pregnancy, I found my body, from feet to hips, a new size. And my hair was falling out post-birth. I needed new clothes, shoes and a haircut. I finally started to buy clothes that I really liked, classic or not. I dyed my hair.

Fearing regret doesn't motivate a person or make her feel good.

Sometimes in life I did hold my ground instead of giving into fear or regret. I remember a friend in high school warning me that I'd regret not going to some senior lock-down, sleep over at the school. And lots of people told me I'd "regret" not getting married in a white dress with a veil. Sometimes I check-in about these decisions (clearly I have trouble letting go.) Nope, no regret. I did what I wanted to do and feel good about it.

I need to remember to apply this personal strength to writing. Write what you want to know, I tell my students. Write the unsaid, I add. Even if this is hard. 

We should always think carefully about our choices, especially when other people are involved.  But it is the deep probing into our worlds and our own choices where the important thought, consideration, writing and action can be found.

Don't live in regret. Live today. Write today. Write yesterday today. Just write. Revise. Read. And share your work with others.