As tax day approaches, I remember being pregnant in 2013 and organizing our tax documents in what is now the baby's room. It seemed to me that if I didn't do everything - everything - before the baby arrived, I'd never get it done. I wanted to organize the documents for my taxes for the last year and the following 18, even though I (mostly) understood the impossibility of it all.
I couldn't imagine having time to do anything once the baby was here. If I could have showered in advance to knock that off of my list, I would have.
My mental do-list was long and varied, including: Finish my poetry manuscript and submit, food shop for every panty item we might ever need and grade papers for classes that weren't yet open for registration. As it turned out, our son arrived three weeks early and so many things were left unfinished the moment he arrived. And we all made it through unharmed.
The morning I went into labor, my husband installed the car seat and I put the last item - socks - into the hospital bag. Maybe we somehow knew the moment was coming or maybe that Saturday was just the time we had. I didn't know that the next evening some poetry friends had organized a small shower for me. I was sad to have missed that celebration, as well as finishing our son's room quietly at midday, without the bustle of visitors and a constantly hungry baby.
We had diapers, a crib, car seat and some infant clothes when he arrived in the dry world. While these were the basic necessities and could ask for help if needed more, I was panicked. What would our son, a then-stranger growing inside of me, think of this unprepared woman placed in charge of him?
It turns out he liked and likes me, unprepared and prepared. And I am quite smitten with him.
Our son turns two in three months and the winter, along with the incessant colds and snow days, has melted away. I've showered most days and not only finished a manuscript, but started to submit it for publication. I have a crazy long to-do list and try to work ahead, just in case something unexpected comes up (as it often does,) but I also try to be here in the moment.
Our taxes are organized and there are growing piles on my desk, but yesterday my son and I played peekaboo under a blanket-fort when he was home from daycare. Today, the piles are still there and the sky hasn't fallen. He's back in daycare, so we couldn't play peekaboo today and I can work through those piles. I'm glad to have spent the (available) time together, even if I did glance at my desk a few times.
I'm hopeful about the spring and having some time to catch up, work ahead and spend more time playing outside with our son. Playing when the sun is shining, regardless of what has or hasn't been done yet.
I try to remember that it will all get done. And when some things don't, I embrace my inner Jersey girl: fuggedaboutit!
I couldn't imagine having time to do anything once the baby was here. If I could have showered in advance to knock that off of my list, I would have.
My mental do-list was long and varied, including: Finish my poetry manuscript and submit, food shop for every panty item we might ever need and grade papers for classes that weren't yet open for registration. As it turned out, our son arrived three weeks early and so many things were left unfinished the moment he arrived. And we all made it through unharmed.
The morning I went into labor, my husband installed the car seat and I put the last item - socks - into the hospital bag. Maybe we somehow knew the moment was coming or maybe that Saturday was just the time we had. I didn't know that the next evening some poetry friends had organized a small shower for me. I was sad to have missed that celebration, as well as finishing our son's room quietly at midday, without the bustle of visitors and a constantly hungry baby.
We had diapers, a crib, car seat and some infant clothes when he arrived in the dry world. While these were the basic necessities and could ask for help if needed more, I was panicked. What would our son, a then-stranger growing inside of me, think of this unprepared woman placed in charge of him?
It turns out he liked and likes me, unprepared and prepared. And I am quite smitten with him.
Our son turns two in three months and the winter, along with the incessant colds and snow days, has melted away. I've showered most days and not only finished a manuscript, but started to submit it for publication. I have a crazy long to-do list and try to work ahead, just in case something unexpected comes up (as it often does,) but I also try to be here in the moment.
Our taxes are organized and there are growing piles on my desk, but yesterday my son and I played peekaboo under a blanket-fort when he was home from daycare. Today, the piles are still there and the sky hasn't fallen. He's back in daycare, so we couldn't play peekaboo today and I can work through those piles. I'm glad to have spent the (available) time together, even if I did glance at my desk a few times.
I'm hopeful about the spring and having some time to catch up, work ahead and spend more time playing outside with our son. Playing when the sun is shining, regardless of what has or hasn't been done yet.
I try to remember that it will all get done. And when some things don't, I embrace my inner Jersey girl: fuggedaboutit!
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