Lee Gutkind writes, "the memoir is the writer’s particular story, nobody else’s. The writer owns it." Monica Wesolowska's memoir about her son, Holding Silvan, tells her own story, even as family, friends and the medical community enter into it.
I read the memoir Holding Silvan by Monica Wesolowska on the plane back from the AWP conference in Seattle. I wasn’t sure if I should or could read a book about losing a child. After finishing the book in one day, it was clear that I was wrong about the subject. It wasn't about losing a child. It was about, quite literally, holding a baby and and being together.
I read the memoir Holding Silvan by Monica Wesolowska on the plane back from the AWP conference in Seattle. I wasn’t sure if I should or could read a book about losing a child. After finishing the book in one day, it was clear that I was wrong about the subject. It wasn't about losing a child. It was about, quite literally, holding a baby and and being together.
Monica's intimate, and perhaps controversial, subject and focus also offer lessons to a reading writer. It isn't easy to write a memoir that includes others, as they almost always do. Writers must decide what to include, exclude and how to tell a tale that, inevitably, has many angles and versions.
In memoir writing classes, I encourage students to tell their own tale from their experience. That is their story to tell. They have the right to untangle and share that story for themselves and others. They don't, of course, have the right to write a revenge tale or ruin someone else (well, they can, but should think twice about publishing it.) There are decisions that a writer can make - changing names, for example - that help to keep the tale true while protecting others, especially those who are unable to tell their own version.
I found comfort in this book, as it seems Monica was hoping readers would. In her panel at AWP with other memoirists, she alluded to the importance of letting this intimate tale be told. The publisher from Hawthorne books told me in the book fair that an honest book like this was why he went into publishing. I, too, strongly recommend it.
During the panel, Monica said that the process of writing allows the author to start to see patterns emerging from a tale. She also noted that part of writing memoir is that the author must acknowledge mistakes and face them. She emphasized that it is important to see yourself as flawed and face those flaws directly in order to craft an honest book.
Ariel Gore, a memoirist also on the panel, said that memoir is for strangers and a larger community beyond your family. The utility of memoir is for authors to break out of their isolation. With that in mind, memoir isn't ultimately for the subjects.
In memoir writing classes, I encourage students to tell their own tale from their experience. That is their story to tell. They have the right to untangle and share that story for themselves and others. They don't, of course, have the right to write a revenge tale or ruin someone else (well, they can, but should think twice about publishing it.) There are decisions that a writer can make - changing names, for example - that help to keep the tale true while protecting others, especially those who are unable to tell their own version.
I found comfort in this book, as it seems Monica was hoping readers would. In her panel at AWP with other memoirists, she alluded to the importance of letting this intimate tale be told. The publisher from Hawthorne books told me in the book fair that an honest book like this was why he went into publishing. I, too, strongly recommend it.
During the panel, Monica said that the process of writing allows the author to start to see patterns emerging from a tale. She also noted that part of writing memoir is that the author must acknowledge mistakes and face them. She emphasized that it is important to see yourself as flawed and face those flaws directly in order to craft an honest book.
Ariel Gore, a memoirist also on the panel, said that memoir is for strangers and a larger community beyond your family. The utility of memoir is for authors to break out of their isolation. With that in mind, memoir isn't ultimately for the subjects.
In Holding Silvan, Monica and her husband made the decision
to allow their child to die naturally and surrounded by love. They made this humane decision
that allowed so much to survive during and after Silvan’s life.
For more on Monica, read this interview with Late Night Library or click through her author page on Hawthorne Books.
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